a fresh mindset

 i want to share something with you

something i'm a little iffy on whether i should or shouldn't
i don't want to be misunderstood
i don't want to come off the exact opposite of where my heart is

my prayer isn't that i'm heard as preachy & certainly not braggy
but i want to share how the lord has taken me to a new place
not only a place i never thought i'd be
but a place i didn't necessarily even want to be
a fresh mindset if you will

let me roll it out for you

i am terrible with money
i can't even utter the word budget without rolling my eyes
i'm an accountant's worst nightmare
i have poor impulse control
and
i
love
to
shop

cocktail for financial disaster right?



for years i did just that
i bought , for the most part , whatever i liked
who cares if i didn't have a place for it
i'd find one



my home was a manic cluttered crowded space
the clutter & all the 'must have it now' items ruled my life
these things must
after their "place" is found
be dusted
moved
and of course
dusted again

things everywhere
& the things are what started to make me nervous


i fell into the credit card trap
which snowballs in a heartbeat
 what's another 100bucks at tjmaxx when my balance is a few thousand

brilliant
i know



well
thank the lord my hubby is NOT anything like me
in more ways than just financially :)



while credit card debt didn't bother me
i mean we all have it
its just part of life
right?
it bothered him

about a year ago
we began to  make some changes
some choices, plans , decisions for not only our future
but the future of our children

i'm not going into details
what's my conviction surely doesn't need to be yours
what's a sacrifice & big deal for me
has no reason to be a biggie for you


but i realized i , just me, not him
i was teaching my girls
buy what you want
pay for it later
a terrible destructive mindset
the legacy of debt is really not what i want them to inherit
yet my lifestyle proved otherwise



several months ago
we became
for the first time in my adult life
debt
free



except for our mortgage
we owe
no one

zero zip zilcho


i don't tell you that to give myself or dan any praise
the lord took a pathetic excuse poor spender
and helped me renew my mind
as much as i'd love to...i quit killing time at target and anthro
i don't carry a credit card with me
actually i memyselfandi do not even have a credit card

i try to only purchase something
that i know already where it will go
or if i even have room for it
if i wait to think
come back & its gone
honestly, that's just fine


dont' get me wrong
money burns a hole in my pocket
i can spend some cold hard cash in anthro or restoration hardware with the best of 'em
& what's a target run without dropping a hundred bucks anyway?
seriously


there have been times in my life
where debt
was the only way to survive
i've been a widow, jobless and broke
i understand

so please dont see me as a financial wizard
trust me...my credit score & my sweet man will give you a resounding bwahaha on that one

but the freedom
at night of knowing
that my sweet man isn't stressed over a visa or pottery barn bill
is priceless
who knew?

i would love to showcase a home with hardwoods on the main
concrete countertops
& nickel hardware
tolix chairs around a weathered farm table
(red OR silver if you must know)

its a hard line for me to walk
that of contentment
sometimes a painful walk if i'm honest



i love nothing more
i mean
nothing more
than spending time in my home
its not my dream home
but its my home
& my desire
is to cultivate a grateful spirit
while enjoying what i have, being a good steward  & having white furniture
surely this can be done harmoniously , right?

& maybe oneday
my contented debtfree self
will
score a deal on 6 tolix chairs while at it....
wink